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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2009.03.23  11.55 i miss him my eyes, a waterfall pouring itself into the black holes of my pupils which aim to see the truth; yet once struck with the feeling of no return, does it burn with such anomaly. EDIT: part of the message begins with body language. the vibrations between my hand to your face are inevitably comforting. how i long to kiss you.

	2009.01.20  16.24 Thank you Dusty! - I used to know someone special but now he's gone remember that times an illusion it comes and it goes like nobody knows - trying to relax made me relapse into a great goodbye remember all those great times it came and it went just like our time - i figured out, i wanted out, i opted out because i told you it was too much to bear now you're confused maybe lost a fuse but remember that i'll always be here. - now we're okay with the fact that we're done however when i see you i must refrain from not smiling back. - i tend to forget the agreement said for it was not for me. i'm not quite sure where you stand we can meet in between - i figured out, i wanted out, i opted out because i told you it was too much to bear now you're confused maybe lost a fuse but remember that i'll always be here. Mood: excited

	2009.01.19  17.59 eh.... just a song i made up

	2008.10.14  18.14 limbo I didn't go to work today, because i'm sick. My doctor gave me a shot. I've been really sad lately over petty little things, but I fear it may be best for all of us. anywho, these two entries below are blogs from my myspace. feel free to comment freely. be gentle, because no matter what happens, I'll still love you. that, my other half; is our curse. October 12, 2008 - Sunday Changes that make me want to run like hell. a sense of freeing yourself from your own body, to transform into something else is completely remarkable. it's like a ghost who knows his way and for some reason just ends up choosing you and a troubled dream tells you to free yourself. humble, reliant... strong. life comes to you in every aspect... whether it be a grasshopper, or patience. October 4, 2008 - Saturday shut and bar the door. ima go MIA for a while... at least until i can configure my thoughts and use them for good. in the mean time i hope you and yours find peace within yourselves. you ask us for help... and the first thing that goes through my mind is... how. we give you an ear full. you choosing not to channel that good outside power to inhibit your inner "well being" is your prerogative. that though is not the issue. in my retrospect i see it as unhealthy... and so my question to you is... how can you surround yourself with negativity and not expect to receive it in return? i figured out what i needed to, said what i shouldnt have, but life keeps going forward... and that's where i'd like to go. i apologize for being bias, condescending, or arrogant, [of just the many] but i cant keep fighting this fire with fire. i didnt need for you to try to help me.... i think we just need to stop, and begin to help ourselves. retrace our steps, be strong, and fight for what you feel is right (be still, within your own home, because your battle is not with me). as far as myself... i'll work on learning to speak from my heart with as much patience and pauses as this body will allow... and pick up that book once in a while. it may not be any time soon...but, these are things i will practice. anger was what overpowered me most, angry because i never speak up when im suppose to, and when i do... it's absolute bad timing. we all know what we need to do. ready team? BREAK! on a foot note... thank you for not crushing my passion of how our reality works. i'm too interested in what im already a part of.

	2008.07.25  20.20 pebbles theres a thin feeling in the air, as if someone is at the edge of their perception of life. like a balloon wanting to explode into millions of little particles from where it once started, a strive for perfection. longing for no more than a few moments in the light, we ride out into the night without a destination. a frantic cause for devistation and a warm plate of chinese food, or a bucket of ice-cream to calm the nerves from where it once shared the same connection.

	2008.04.30  23.51 it does lay still... ...hidden in a gentle spring breeze. The clouds above us moved rapidly, and as he stole my kisses one by one, i felt an exasperating, inseparable connection. Time is doing just that, staying still. It'd be so cliche and lame of me to say that I'm in love with the most wonderful guy...well, to be quite frank, I am. If there wasn't a connection that bonded two individuals so closely together then why the hell am I feeling what I do about him? It bothers me a little some because I don't know if it's real... I mean, it feels so real... but then again, what is real? When we're together we have the greatest time, even when it's doing nothing really. We were actually watching The Tonight Show and something happened... I think we kissed, or hugged, or something, I don't quite remember what, but yeah, we pulled away and looked back at the T.V. we looked back at one another and giggled like fruits... but you see, the connection was so intense that we knew what we were laughing about, which made us laugh even harder... see it's shit like that, that makes me uncertain because we both travel on different wave lengths. Whose to tell what's what. I hate this so called "love" thing, it's fucking annoying. On a different scale of 9's and 4's, I've been thinking about faking my own death. Here's the plan. Someone hires a hitman to kill someone. (insert a shitty hitman here) Then I witness the death, I go to the police, tell them I want to join the WRP and ask that we fake my death. It's genius. Mood: contemplative

	2008.03.28  16.58 friday... ...and impatient is my middle name. too bad i can't leave the county, otherwise i'd go to the show; but until then, i'm at home and a little bit bored. i miss a lot of people and that's that. have you ever felt the need to just rant and talk, and talk somemore; but you recess because you fear that while you rant to someone they'll either A)ignore what you have to say B)think you're far odd or C)completely be fake agree with you and then push on so that you'll shut the fuck up. well yeah, that's how i feel right now actually. so, that's why they made livejournal. so you type whatever the hells on your mind and be free while others can read and comment accourdingly. to those of you who do, thank you... to those of you who dont.... it's probably for the best...so thank you as well. my last entry stated a lot of crazy numerous items... well. good, because i needed to let that out at the time. right now i feel like i need to be one with myself and this probably doesnt make any sense to any of you but if you like to read what other people babble about then WOO! you're in luck because i can write so much non-sense that makes sense to me and perhaps like maybe i dont know.... 2 others. same state. we all have emotion and until a month ago, i didnt know i had, i mean you know you have them but they never really kicked in until something drastic has to happen. i lost someone dear to me whom i still have feelings for and it sucks. their not dead or anything... i mean in a sense they are but their not. heh.... i loved him.... perhaps even still do. and its kinda stupid too. im not a bad person, ive just made a lot of bad decisions. that, and i've always been afraid to be alone. ive realized now that alone is a good thing. and emotions are a good thing too. ok im done.

	2008.02.29  10.11 promises i didnt intend to break In the past 2 and a half weeks ive learned a whole lot about myself not even most of you can imagine...and those of you who know me, know me way too well. so therefore yous must be shot in order to keep you from talking; and vice versa. I hate to break your heart, and you know who you are.... but i can't promise to date you if i'm already hooked on someone else... and at that i'm not even remotely close to this person because i wasn't close enough to myself. I belive "best friends" is a statement used to try to make situations a little easier to deal with (with boys)... but with my case i'd rather have the "nah" type of comment when i state something. "honesty is the best policy" i heard somewhere along the trails of tribulations and life long finding deeedz. The tv talks to me sometimes... haha, that makes me sound a little crazy but when you want to be something sooooo bad you tend to make yourself that person. i want to be an actor, (actress for those of you who like to correct me). i like to read people especially characters on a hit tv series and or movie and i become them. i guess thats what makes me so spontaneous and imaginative, and yes, i can get wayy cockier than you think; or than i can present myself to be. i do it mainly at home because i thought it was safer there. i thought wrong. Drinking and smoking were one of my greatest failures, because i got too involved with it. i want to go to school now, majoring in fine arts perhaps.... going into Television, Radio, and Film...Theatre?.....well, because i loved it in my High School career. I think I'm done for today... I'm at home, so if you want to stop by for a nano sec call me... we can chill outside because it's nice out! a little something i wrote just to clarify a little... and i have new pics that only i can see. TISK. TISK. TISK. (nothing bad just your first and i'm talking to more than one person here... :]) WITH LOVE, Missi. .....AND! i was a GREAT cheerleader! You see all these self inflicted wounds? They're my battle scars Do you private still like me? for I still like you for you who are If i could think of a place to go, I'd still ask you where you'd want to go Because as long as we're together, I think that proves to show; we're great together. and yes, I mean that dearly. you were my better half. P.S. to S.O.S. I'm sorry I let you down. You know how I hate confrontation. :/ Mood: anxious Music: one minute to midnight

	2007.11.11  17.46 enough said check this out

	2007.07.11  10.11 frolic away a hole in the day a problem to solve with a kick to the wall an amazing relief why is there dirt on this seat for if not such a sight i wouldn't know how to fight off the bitches and hoes. bah. MORNING! missi lame.

	2007.05.13  22.16 how about them apples... i dont think i've ever felt this sad in my life. i'm actually to the point where anywhere but here could be better. even death...especially death. i cant ever do anything right. i hate myself for that. i'm sorry for everything, i didnt mean to make anyone upset...but then again thats all i ever do so i guess no surprise there. i dont know what to do anymore.. i dont know who to turn to. all i can say is im tired, very sorry, and very sad. i didnt mean for a joke to get out of hand.. even though yes, it was a bad one. we all need to lighten up. and i think i need to run away.

	2007.04.12  14.20 H = no show sometimes i feel like i cant do anything right anymore. sometimes i feel like i take everything for granted. mostly because i feel like i have no purpose in life. im just here... floating like a fucking plethora of feathers being weighed down by spritz of tar. i got paid today from my FANTASTIC new job. im a rich fuck who just LOVES giving money away... SO, if you by any chance are the state of texas, my insurance agency, my ccard companies, T-mobile, the breathalizer installation guy, or my probation officer.. expect my hard earned cash. well its back to work i go.. wish me luck.

	2007.03.31  22.32 i wreck his van and he gives me this.... ... i love my dad.

	2007.02.26  02.06 David The Gnome Episode 1 Part 1

	2006.09.19  00.29 and that's the end of that chapter. Hello everyone. long time no journal entering. i really have nothing new to say other than i'm still at hobby lobby and i leave for Vegas in a week, no turning back now... i'm off to become a showgirl. ( Las Vegas showgirls.. and wishing he could come )

	2006.07.31  00.59 i dont hear from you no more. So, It's been quite some while now. Not really into getting online for my own personal pleasure. Only bill paying and banking i guess. I miss my gals, mainly those whom live out of McAllen-o-Death. (K-10, Emily, and Liz.) =( How are the rest of you? Mood: sleep much? Music: Alkaline Trio - Nose Over Tail

	2006.06.04  23.55 you'll cause a panic. i'm having a little trouble with every ones lies, a little trouble understanding why life happens and, a little trouble wondering WHAT THE FUCK IS IN STORE FOR ME NEXT. as for the rest of you. loves speed.

	2006.05.27  01.22 swimming through trees. i miss you more, and more as time progresses and atoms spin... it's a gun point to the chest. Emily.. 2 minutes of non stop laughter will be the death of us. work in the morning. wake up at 7am out by 5pm.

	2006.04.30  17.49 TINA SWEETPEA, I LOVE YOU! 1. I'll respond with something random I like about you. 2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. I'll name something that we should do together. 4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me). 5. I'll tell you my BEST memory of you. 6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you. 7. I'll ask you something that I need to know from you. 8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.

	2006.04.28  14.13 kajsd;foianb EMILY COMES DOWN TODAY! WEEKEND BEFORE BIRFFFDAY WEEKEND. WE'z GONNA PARTY!

	2006.04.27  12.50 sucka My brother Hector is such a moron... he went on telling me how he's become an alcoholic then pauses, then out of no where he responds.. "you gonna drink that robbitussin?" hahah it was fucking hilarious. yeah, just thought i'd share that with everyone.

	2006.04.21  00.20 it seeped through. -So, I'm sick, perhaps the flu in the making... curse you Laura. -Highlight of 4/20: Puking in the break room's trashcan. -I'm convinced that in my past life I were an egyptian. Mood: sick

	2006.04.19  21.38 is that a dare, or a double dare. You know, sometimes i can be so happy for people ...yet concerned for them at the same time. i'm pretty sure that goes for most of us. sometimes i miss my best friends, othertimes i could care less for missing them. everyone has their own lives to attend to but now i know that for sure, we've lost our square. "we don't need a square, because a line is much more efficient and can fit in more places" words of wisdom, words of sadness, words of anger. Mood: lets pretend we dont know us

	2006.04.17  14.01 bike ride thrifter... ...gone completely wrong. 1) no air in the back tire, no compressor... so i had my brother david take me to mike's work because he had his compressor in his car. 2) bike rode to the thrift store only to find it was closed. 3) on the way there i almost got hit by a pernmanent winter texan who for im not sure what reason decides to drive closer to me. 4) on the way back i hit a bump on the side walk and ended up falling onto 10th street... luckily no cars where oncoming. 5) i smell like ass now. thank you.. rant over and a shower sounds fucking fantastic right now. Mood: i

	2006.03.16  19.45 the DVD isn't working. down, sad.. bahahaha.. suck. i just dont give a fuck. i love you all.. everyone of you. Mood: i've had a bad day.